It is not good...

When I look back at my life I think of moments. Moments that I was sad, happy, hurt, content, nervous and on and on and on. I remember when I rode a bike for the first time without those training wheels, it was a red huffy and I was above the clouds, my mom was full of joy and probably relief that I didn't fall right over :) I remember when i was in the fourth grade I ran into a boat propeller and gashed my knee open, it hurt so bad. It was the first time i had really hurt myself and there was blood everywhere, and in the moment i thought i was gonna die... Two stitches later I was just fine. I also remember laying in my bed with my bags packed waiting for my dad to pick me up and him never showing up, even to this day when i talk to my dad i remember how i felt all those nights when i was left waiting. I remember all the years i lived with my mom and her alcohol addiction. How most nights I was scared of what would happen next, and all the times I put my life in danger trying to protect hers. I remember my first football game at West Wilkes, my first win on the wrestling mats, and my first mile I ran in track. I remember my first car, it was a 1999 Honda Accord and it would fly, unfortunately I remember my first ticket as well. I remember the night I fell on my knees in a prayer chapel in Hendersonville NC, with no one around I gave my life to Christ and made the biggest decision I'll make on this earth. I remember walking into the Marine Recruiting office and making the decision to serve in the military.

I'm not gonna bore you anymore with everything i remember, there are so many things I could say. God has brought me out of so much and He continues to protect me and put moments in my life. Last week I did something I had never done before and that's propose. God has put the most wonderful woman on this earth in my life, and I know without question she is the one. It something that was in development for months, as me and Kathryn learned and spent more time with each other. I knew it was time to take the next step in our relationship when it hurting both of us every time i left. Seeing the tears in her eyes as I left completely broke my heart and I knew it wasn't good for us to be apart any longer. I have read Genesis a couple times and there is a verse in Chapter two that means so much more to me now that I'm in love and engaged. Chapter 2 verse 18 Then the Lord God said "It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him." Now that I'm back in Cherry Point away from Kathryn, I totally understand that now. Before in my life i never really thought about Adam and Eve and the love that they shared. God literally made Eve perfectly for Adam. I can't even imaging the love they shared for one another. God made Kathryn for Me and Me for Her. And I have realized it really isn't good for me to be alone. Since I left this last time I truly and more lonely than I have ever been, it feels like I'm just missing something, and that something is Kathryn. She is my helper, and I know it's God's will.

Asking Kathryn to marry me is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I can not even to begin explaining how nervous I was. I was shaking and my heart was beating so fast and hard. It couldn't have been healthy, thankfully she said yes right away or my heart may have exploded. That's something I will never forget. The way she looked right into my eyes, she didn't even look at the ring or anything. The box could have been empty and it wouldn't have even mattered. Her eyes teared up and she put her hand over her mouth and try'ed to pull me up to wrap her arms around me. I had to push her hands back just so i could put the finger on her hand. It was one of the most amazing  experiences of my life. It truly was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm gonna end with this. I was watching a movie the other day, and the couple in it had been dating for years, and had experienced everything together already, and at the end they finally got married and when the priest finally said now you may kiss the bride, and when they kissed nothing was different, it was something they had been doing for years. I say all that to say, that first kiss is suppose to be sacred. The priest was giving permission to finally kiss. That's why Me and Kathryn have decided to have are first kiss on her wedding day. When Kevin her father finally gives us permission, its gonna be well worth the wait! The wedding is 4 months away on Nov 10th, and I know it may seem soon, but why wait when you know your suppose to be together, when you know it's God's will.

My Side...

It's been awhile since my last post, and since then some amazing things have been happening in my life. If you know me then you know what I'm talking about. I have fallen in love with an amazing girl, and i was asked to share my side of the story of how it happened, so this will be my attempt in doing so. But before I share about that, i wanna give you some back ground on myself. My parents aren't Christians and they we're never married, so i grew up in a world view of things and ideas. And i also spent a good deal of my life in the public school system, so my idea of love and relationships was pretty twisted. I grew up thinking if you liked someone and they liked you then you just jump in a relationship with no guidelines and eventually one of you would lose entrust and the relationship would be over, then you move on to the next. So for years i went from being in one relationship to another, getting hurt over and over again. It's funny, at the time you think you have found love and that person is like the sun and everything revolves around that person. Back in 2010 I started getting mentored by Kevin Brown, and at the same time he was going through some series and things about love, and he started to share a whole different view of love i had never heard. He started sharing that love isn't based on feelings and that God has to be the center, and its not this idea of bouncing from one relationship to the next, its about so much more. So i started seeking God, and i found growing strong in Him and His love was all i needed. So that's all i focused on. And then i went to Marine Core boot camp, and all i had was God, i had to rely on Him in everything i did. It was one of the hardest things in my life i have ever been through, but while i was there i got a letter from Katy brown, and for some reason it brought so much joy into my life. I at first  couldn't understand why?.. I knew reading her words to me made me extremely happy and every time we got mail i would hope that had something from her. Then Kevin and the whole brown family including Katy came down to my graduation last October and I felt this attraction to Katy i had never felt before. I was home for 10 days before i left again, and during those days all i wanted was to spend time with Katy and just find out more and more about her. For years ever since i was 17 i had been going to Mt Pleasant Church, and had spent alot of time around her, as a friend. But i knew then i wanted more than just being her friend, so i started praying about it alot. I wasn't sure if it was Gods will and i just didn't wanna be in a relationship based on how i felt, but what God plan was  and what he wanted. So a month and a half past and i came back home for Christmas, i went bowling with the brown family and spent some quality time with Katy. Then the Wednesday before i left i was with Kevin, doing the usual, going to chick fil a and iron men and stuff, and that's when Kevin brought it up...he wanted to know if i had any intentions on being in a relationship with his daughter, and after a couple deep breaths i told him i had feelings but wasn't a 100 percent sure and that i wanted to continue to pray about it. So i left again and i started to talk to Katy more and more and finally felt it was of God. So me and Kevin had another conversation in where i told him what my intentions were. I told him i wanna be with Katy, and grow in the Lord and protect her and her heart. So i asked Kathryn and she said yes, I went in this relationship desiring more than just feelings and a few dates...I asked myself could i spend the rest of my life with her, can i see myself marrying her, is she a girl after Gods heart. And since January i have found that i love her and i know she loves God and in everything we do, we both wanna put God first, for He is the foundation and without Him our relationship is nothing. So with all that said, i encourage anyone reading this that, even though you have made mistakes, you can change. God has been so good to me and has restored me in all ways. If you seek Him, He will give you the desires of your heart. So stay strong, don't give yourself away and fall into dead relationships. I don't regret my past mistakes because they have made me who i am today, i have learned from them. Don't rush, be patient and rely on God. So that's my side of the story, i hope it encourages you. Love comes when you least expect it.

COMPLACENCY

         I have come to know the word complacency very well sense being in the Marines. Everyone says complacency kills! In the military you find yourself doing the same things everyday, over and over and over again. So when you do the same things over and over again you get comfortable and you slowly but surely let your guard down, and as soon as that happens your dead. So why am i saying this? Well it's pretty simple because I have found myself in the last couple months getting complacent with my walk with God. The simple definition for complacency is self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. Being complacent and comfortable in your christian life is very dangerous. In the last couple months i have been doing the minimum, reading a few verses, praying short simple payers. God sent his only son to die for me so i can spend eternity with Him. But what do i do?.. I get caught up in my life and how busy it is, and how I don't have time to read His word and share Jesus with others, and really pray and fellowship with Him. For my sake I'm thankful I have a savior that died for my sin and forgives me, because in my job complacency kills you and you can't come back from that. Being complacent with God will kill you spiritually if you don't catch it. If your reading this and your comfortable then i would say your wrong! If you are living for God and being a light for the ones around you then you have a target on your back and the one that has put that target on you is Satan. The last thing he wants is strong  followers of Jesus changing the world. Satan is always there holding the chains of your past and all he needs is to wrap your ankle up and he has you. I have noticed it in my own life and I'm gonna live everyday with a new plan and way to serve the Lord so i keep it new and not fall in to a complacent life and if you have read this and noticed that your in a routine in your walk with God I urge you to get out of it before it's to late. There are way to many people that have started strong and finished terrible. My prayer for myself is that I finish strong, I may not have started as strong but at the end of my life I wanna hear from Jesus well done. I want my life to be a light to everyone that I come in contact with, so that they see I'm different and wanna know why. Seek God every moment in your life and finish the race that He has set before you and finish it strong!  

Looking back and Looking ahead

Well it's new year's eve, so i thought i would reflect on 2011 and look ahead to 2012. I'm not gonna lie, i believe 2011 has been the best year of my life...but with that there were a lot of trials that came my way. I would like to tell myself that i was faithful and i was a good servant but i wouldn't be honest. I wasn't being the christian that God was calling me to be, i was more like a zombie, alive but dead at the same time. I went through the motions and was not really conforming my mind to that of Christ. And then i finally joined the military and went to Paris island, SC. And i must say it changed my life more than any words i could ever tell you. I was stretched so much, and pushed beyond measure. And that's when i finally had a glimpse of what it meant to rely fully on God, and to give Him everything. I was constantly praying just to make it through one more day and i truly cherished every moment i had the chance to read Gods word. So i say all of that because i have realized its not when your in a season of good things and good times when you grow in the Lord, its when your broken and when your alone and the trials of life come your way, and your not sure what to do or in what direction you need to go. So, i have been thinking a lot of the things i would like to accomplish in 2012 or better yet what God would like to accomplish in my life. I'm praying for hard times, and i know that's crazy, but i also know that's how God is gonna mold me and conform me to His will. When the world sees me i want them to know something is different about me and not that I'm in the marines, but I'm a soldier in a different army! Gods Army! That's what this life is all about relying on God and not worrying about tomorrow but to stay faithful and know whatever comes are way that God is there walking beside us and that's something as a christian that will remain. It's not about this world and the things in it, its about serving God and storing heavenly things because that's where are home is if you believe in Christ. I am a servant of Christ, He owns my life and in 2012 all I want to do is follow Him and be faithful, so when the storms come i can hold fast, stand strong and be a light to a sinful world that desperately needs Christ. 

Its been awhile

OK where to start?.....well since the last time i was on here so much has changed in my life, now besides sitting around playing video games I'm actually being productive :). I'm now a United states marine and becoming a marine is def the biggest challenge I've ever faced, and I'm not gonna lie i wanted to quit alot and i struggled so much, but God helped me through it, i grew so much in my faith. Going through that experience made me so much more confident in myself and what i believe. When you suffer and are striped away from everything, stripped from your comfort zone you have nothing,  that's when i finally relied 100% on God. Well with that said i wanted to talk about i guess you would say my biggest struggle now. I'm currently in Mississippi waiting for my job school to pick up so i have a little time on my hands, but i def was struggling with this in the month of November as well. The scripture that helped me realize that i needed to stop what i was doing and saying was James chapter 3!!! And basically this chapter talks about the tongue and how dominant it can be. I have found myself slipping when it comes to controlling what i say, ex specially now that I'm around people that don't go to church and that are extremely immature i cant control my temper and some of the things i say. James 3:2 says For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. That sounds fairly easy if you read it pretty quickly and move on...but its not! James is actually saying if you can control your small little tongue you can control the rest of your whole body and you'll be perfect. See James knows that it is hard to tame the tongue cause the littlest of things said can start the biggest argument's or hurt someones feelings and break them down. You ever heard that statement you should think before you speak?.. well there is alot of wisdom with that saying.  Verse 6 says that the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. Staining the whole body. So once i read this chapter over and over again, to be honest I'm still reading it cause i cant seem to get past it cause everyday i wake up with the mind set, hey today i will tame my tongue and i will control what i say to myself and to others and i keep failing, I'm getting better and with prayer and Gods grace I'm getting better with controlling the things that come out of my mouth, so not being a scholar at any of this stuff and pretty much just rambling my thoughts out here in this thing people call a blog i would encourage anyone struggling with that little beast called the tongue is to pray and ask God to help you control it and to sing alot of christian songs during the day that seems to help me, I've found the more you can keep positive things on the brain the more positive things come out of the mouth, and read Gods word!!! That is vital Psalm 119:11 says I have stored up your word in my heart, that i might not sin against you. Trash in is trash out think about it!

Gods love...

I was riding down the road the other day and i heard some radio show talk about kids growing up in house holds where drugs are used and abused, i grew up in a similar lifestyle with my mom being an alcoholic and my dad doing everything else so i know how that feels...but i bring this up because they were talking about these kids they found in a house where the parents were using meth, and the house was dirty and the kids had already packed there bags waiting for the police to arrive so they could leave, and the officers made a comment on there facial expressions, they looked sad and scared most of all. I say all that because when i heard this story all i could think about was God...I wondered how God felt and if my heart is broken then i couldn't imagine how He feels. I cant fully understand His love the closest thing i got is Jesus...but i cant help to think how much longer is God gonna be able to look down on His creation and the choices we decide to make and all the things we choose over Him for temporary pleasure??? How much longer can He look down on all the hurting children? I know Jesus was sent to die for us and to take on all the sins of the world and forgives us daily for are short comings...and i know He is delaying so that more will accept Him, but i know God is hurting watching down on us and i know Hes not gonna take much more. So my prayer is that i will be stronger and rely on Him more and most of all live like I'm ready for the coming of Jesus because were closer than we have ever been!

Where does God go?

So i was working yesterday and we drove by this store and it was called Treasure, It made me think of that verse in Matthew 6-where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. I started thinking about my priorities and where do i put God through out my day, and to be honest Hes not number one...what are my first thoughts when i wake up, what things do i think about during the day. Ive realized in the last couple days that i hardly even think of Him. So many times we try to fill are lives with so many things that don't even matter, money, work, family, friends, things to keep us entertained. And I'm not saying these things are bad but when we put them before God its idol worship. So i guess the question I'm asking myself is how do i make God the treasure of my life...of my heart, so that i seek Him everyday with a passion?..Ive been thinking about this and i think Ive come up with some ways. First i think you have to realize what your treasure is and why that's your treasure, and then Start to conform your mind and the way you see things, God breathed lives into us and He sent his son to die for us. I think what has helped me the most is to think of what Jesus done for me, i know i cant really understand suffering and what it really means to be persecuted, i mean i can listen to story's all day long but Intill you experience something for yourself i don't think we can really understand. My greatest tool is Gods word and i have found the more i read it the stronger i am..it truly is life changing, so my goal is to really seek God with all my heart to put him first to stay in his word, and he will show me His will and what he desires for me. Its so hard cause are enemy is Satan and he has are playbooks and where we are weak, and he is always at work so its def a battle and i hate to say i usually lose but with this new mind set hopefully ill win more often than i have been...