Sunday, July 8, 2012

It is not good...

When I look back at my life I think of moments. Moments that I was sad, happy, hurt, content, nervous and on and on and on. I remember when I rode a bike for the first time without those training wheels, it was a red huffy and I was above the clouds, my mom was full of joy and probably relief that I didn't fall right over :) I remember when i was in the fourth grade I ran into a boat propeller and gashed my knee open, it hurt so bad. It was the first time i had really hurt myself and there was blood everywhere, and in the moment i thought i was gonna die... Two stitches later I was just fine. I also remember laying in my bed with my bags packed waiting for my dad to pick me up and him never showing up, even to this day when i talk to my dad i remember how i felt all those nights when i was left waiting. I remember all the years i lived with my mom and her alcohol addiction. How most nights I was scared of what would happen next, and all the times I put my life in danger trying to protect hers. I remember my first football game at West Wilkes, my first win on the wrestling mats, and my first mile I ran in track. I remember my first car, it was a 1999 Honda Accord and it would fly, unfortunately I remember my first ticket as well. I remember the night I fell on my knees in a prayer chapel in Hendersonville NC, with no one around I gave my life to Christ and made the biggest decision I'll make on this earth. I remember walking into the Marine Recruiting office and making the decision to serve in the military.

I'm not gonna bore you anymore with everything i remember, there are so many things I could say. God has brought me out of so much and He continues to protect me and put moments in my life. Last week I did something I had never done before and that's propose. God has put the most wonderful woman on this earth in my life, and I know without question she is the one. It something that was in development for months, as me and Kathryn learned and spent more time with each other. I knew it was time to take the next step in our relationship when it hurting both of us every time i left. Seeing the tears in her eyes as I left completely broke my heart and I knew it wasn't good for us to be apart any longer. I have read Genesis a couple times and there is a verse in Chapter two that means so much more to me now that I'm in love and engaged. Chapter 2 verse 18 Then the Lord God said "It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him." Now that I'm back in Cherry Point away from Kathryn, I totally understand that now. Before in my life i never really thought about Adam and Eve and the love that they shared. God literally made Eve perfectly for Adam. I can't even imaging the love they shared for one another. God made Kathryn for Me and Me for Her. And I have realized it really isn't good for me to be alone. Since I left this last time I truly and more lonely than I have ever been, it feels like I'm just missing something, and that something is Kathryn. She is my helper, and I know it's God's will.

Asking Kathryn to marry me is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I can not even to begin explaining how nervous I was. I was shaking and my heart was beating so fast and hard. It couldn't have been healthy, thankfully she said yes right away or my heart may have exploded. That's something I will never forget. The way she looked right into my eyes, she didn't even look at the ring or anything. The box could have been empty and it wouldn't have even mattered. Her eyes teared up and she put her hand over her mouth and try'ed to pull me up to wrap her arms around me. I had to push her hands back just so i could put the finger on her hand. It was one of the most amazing  experiences of my life. It truly was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm gonna end with this. I was watching a movie the other day, and the couple in it had been dating for years, and had experienced everything together already, and at the end they finally got married and when the priest finally said now you may kiss the bride, and when they kissed nothing was different, it was something they had been doing for years. I say all that to say, that first kiss is suppose to be sacred. The priest was giving permission to finally kiss. That's why Me and Kathryn have decided to have are first kiss on her wedding day. When Kevin her father finally gives us permission, its gonna be well worth the wait! The wedding is 4 months away on Nov 10th, and I know it may seem soon, but why wait when you know your suppose to be together, when you know it's God's will.






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